The other blog will cease to exist as well.
I'm done writing.
I'm done trying.
I'm giving up.
I swore I never would.
May you find everything you hope for. I miss you and love you, my heart is open, if you ever want to come home.
Ever since I began writing in here again. Ever since I began re-reading old posts. I've been stuck in a mental rut that I can't seem to totally get myself out of. Now I remember why I stopped writing in this thing - because it made me think too much.
I think that it has to do with more than that. I don't think I've actually dealt with anything that is in my journal. It seems like periods of complete hoplessness and then escapism.
I thought that by now I would feel nothing about the past given what I have accomplished and especially given who I'm with. But, I can't forget and even more than that, I can't forgive. It's amazing to read and still experience such hatred and disgust about so many people. It seems that it's only situational though. There were great times but dwelling on the good times only re-inforces all the bad.
Looking back, those that hurt me, those things that happened, I know now that it would have been pointless to even consider seeing myself with anyone from back then. I think I knew back then that it wouldn't have worked out. And I'm glad it didn't, otherwise I would never have met Katherine.
I'm just sorry to her that what happened then has so affected our relationship now. The difficulty in trust issues especially. She has been nothing but good to me and still I have such a hard time trusting and believing that this isn't all going to end. I don't want to look back one day and read about her in here and feel the same distate in my mind that I feel about so many others.
I sometimes feel as though she has been cheated. I once tried to ignore the past. To look at a relationship without any prior bias. The outcome - to be cheated on multiple times. This was, the relationship just before meeting Katherine. I know she doesn't and has done nothing to deserve an un-even playing field from me and I hope she understands, just like she says she does. I guess I sometimes wait for the inevitable, the common, what has always been expected.
Headlights like the grace of God
Leading us to faraway lands
I am at peace with what I truly am
It's a shame, we travelled so far
Just to dance this dance
The sublty in comfort in our families reassures us that...
Congratulations to the girl who stole the show
The one who threw the fight
Or dealt the devastating blow
As life goes by, we can change or so we say
Tomorrow, up and left today...
The secret is out and news of this may have already reached home
I suppose you would rather, wander this dark road alone
And who am I to write the things I could never know
Or decide, who's affection towards you would show
All of the best to the girl who authored the novel
Is she a liar, or just ashamed of what she wrote
As time goes by, she will age, grow fragile and numb
And fearful of change and of what she will become
It's been a long time since I've last updated this thing. So let me list in point form what has happened over the last 6 months.
1 - Graduated from St. Thomas - finally out of that place, but kind of miss it in the long run.
2- Working as a communication and marketing coordinator for the canadian mental health association for a couple of months.
3- Planning a trip to the UK and from there a 6 month backpacking adventure around Europe. Hopefully, ending up in Greece for that international internship if I get it.
4- Everyone leaves for Greece in 3 weeks and that means two months to myself.
5- I've put my wild ways to rest. I can't believe how good I've been over the last 4 months. Although that is quickly going to change very soon I think.
6- Still working nights. Two jobs on different schedules sucks.
That is all.
I have no clue if anyone even reads this anymore - seeing as I haven't written anything in ages. So here comes a huge update regardless in some condensed form.
1) Finally graduated from STU. We'll soon find out whether it's been four years wasted or not.
2) After a year working on my autism article, it's been sold to [HERE].
3) Life has been pretty uneventful the last month or so.
4) Freelancing in my spare time.
5) Working weekend shifts on nights at Sobeys.
6) Started a new job with the Canadian Mental Health Association working as Public Relations and Marketing Coordinator.
7) Slowly starting to settle down and working towards something.
8) Making plans for a backpacking trip through Europe in March. Just me, one bag and my camera.
9) Hopefully will be working for an English newspaper in Greece starting one year from today.
10) That is it.
and now - after 4 years and a piece of paper life is supposed to begin?
when does it start?